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so this whole entry will consist mainly about my... boyfriend. his name is daniel and we've known each other for 3 years and counting.. when we first started talking i didnt think he was anything special, and i know he thought the same way about me... actually i thought he was a teensy tiny bit cute but i never thought i would end up loving/hating him.. so we kept talking and whenever i feel bad.. whenever i am absolutely hurting inside bc of him.. i remember i was the one who pursued our relationship.. i wanted to keep talking with him.. so secretly.. i blame myself.. anyway, fast forward to a few months later and we're like inseparable.. i called him my twin, thats how close we were.. & then.. shit hit the fan. he started dating this girl named sharee.. i mean i was a little bit jealous but i wasnt like.. upset about it. and then like not even a week later he starts bitching to me about how she cheated on him and how she hurt him and lied and everything.. so i told him, y'know if shes such a bitch, just ditch her ass.. so he did. AND THEN he tells me about how HER friends are telling HIM that shes crying and bawling her eyes out over him leaving. and im like.. bitch. seriously. so he ends up getting back together with her and theyre all lovey dovey on facebook & stuff.. and i shit you not, i think it was 2 weeks later when he told me the exact same thing; she cheated on him and lied and hurt him.. again. so i got upset and i was like why are you even still with her.. she is a BITCH. and he got mad at me, saying that all i wanted was to ruin their "relationship." and i was like.. what the fuck. so i told him not to tell me anything about her hurting him anymore, i told him to fuck off.. and he did. and then.. when we started talking again all i saw was him posting shit like, "sharee i would never cheat on you you know i love you" and then HER friends were basically making fun of him on his own post.. so i told him, again. ditch her ass. and he did. and he told me she was pulling the same sob story. i mean from my eyes it looked like she was playing him. so he broke up with her.. and then when that ended, like after 2 months or something i noticed he was acting really bitchy towards me.. and i was like is there something wrong, you know like whats your problem.. and he said nothing. so i was like.. fine. fuck you too. and anyway... a few days later i was feeling really depressed and upset, primarily bc of him.. and idk what i was thinking but i wanted to talk to him. like i know it seems like i was a total bitch to him but honestly.. i was fucking terrified of losing him.. so he told me, okay. we can talk. just give me a minute i have to do something. so i said fine.. you know we can talk later. and then.. a few hours later he had girls posting on his wall about how much they love him and hes their best friend and they stayed up all night talking with him.. and i felt like my heart was breaking.. in that moment every sliver of trust i had in him died.. i was so upset and angry and i felt like complete shit.. he basically put everyone else before me.. im not saying i have to be his prime girl.. but that hurt...

i am legit sad right now because of stupid reasons. i want to cry. ._. basically last night i just reconciled with my boyfriend because we've been fighting all week.. and he told me more than once that he would text me right when he woke up bc he missed me.. ive been waiting all day.. i texted him first this afternoon.. no reply. i cant find him anywhere.. i miss him a lot.. wherever he is, he didnt even have the courtesy of saving me from this heartache by telling me, either on fb, psn, or kik... IM SO SAD RIGHT NOW why.. ;-;